I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
