Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
