I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
