Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
