It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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