im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
