Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
