New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
