I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
