i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
