Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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