Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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