even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
