we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just had sex on a roof
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
