Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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