I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
