hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He felt like a one man threesome
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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