I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
