He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
