Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
