I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize