you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
