Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
