I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
