I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
