I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
