having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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