God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
