i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
