He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
