I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
