Got a toothbrush?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
