This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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