im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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