Pappa wants mamma naked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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