Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Are we still banned from the library?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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