I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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