Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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