I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
