So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
