I just made out with a guy for $7.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
