I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.