im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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