So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.