Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
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2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.