i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.