I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam