Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.