So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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