the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
FUCK WHALES
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I currently don't understand fingers.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
