You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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