Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize