just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
