another moral hangover. fuck.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
