He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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