thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
