she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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