Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
