I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize