bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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