so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't put those talents on a resume
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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