I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i think my mom watched the whole time
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
