everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
