thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
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As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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